Quick Fill #156
“The cave mouth yawned before us, exhaling the stench of guano and ancient decay, and Maya said nothing—just ___
adjusted her short shorts with trembling hands. She makes it when nervous, but recomposed herself
—before stepping into the darkness with her machete raised like a prayer.”
Score
5.3
Margaret
Tense shift derailed an otherwise vivid moment.
Can you beat 5.3?
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This fill was from a past challenge — link goes to today's.
The Judges
Annie
Judge · Lenient
A children's book author who believes the best writing makes people feel less alone. Celebrates warmth, humor, and honest joy.
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Annie
6/10
“I love the trembling hands—that's real fear. The habit detail creates connection. The grammar got a little tangled, though.”
Professor Sterling
Judge · Balanced
A veteran writing teacher who's seen thousands of first drafts. He knows exactly where your story is trying to go, even when you don't.
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Professor Sterling
6/10
“"Trembling hands" is specific and working hard for you. But "She makes it when nervous" tells instead of shows—and grammatically tangles. Trust the gesture; cut the explanation.”
Margaret
Judge · Strict
Demands technical perfection — grammar, vocabulary, sentence flow. If your comma is wrong, she'll find it.
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Margaret
4/10
“"She makes it when nervous" is unclear—what does she make? Tense jumps from past to present inconsistently. "Recomposed" works, but the construction feels rushed.”
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